Mom Shame

It's real, man. The mom shame. Because mom guilt wasn't enough.


Today I had to claim a child that is going through the stage. You know the one, when they don't quite understand how to control their frustration, or anger and instead of letting another child push or take toys away they lash out and pinch. Yes, I am the pincher's mom. Yup. Hey guess what? I was also the biter's mom for a long while. And I am also the mom of the kid who screamed the entire way through church. And since there are 4 of them... I'm also the mom of the kid who was always well behaved.


Here's a shocker. I can't control my kid. I can't make my 2 year old stop pinching. I can't. Do I want to? Desperately. I'm tired of it too. We always have sweet talks about how we are nice and we use our hands for good things like picking up and helping but not being mean like pinching. We snuggle up and the child says 'I'm nice'. And I say, 'yes. you sure are.'


I dread picking my kids up from any form of child watch. The Y, church, bible study. It's like the walk of shame has followed me into motherhood. Hung head, profuse apologies, tears and lots of them by me. 


Where's the grace in this season? And why are the other moms not the ones giving it? Aren't we in this together?


I watched my baby hug a kid from behind. The friend of the mom said she has attacked like 3 other kids like this. Relax lady. It's a hug. Sure it looks like a tackle. From behind. Maybe more like a choke hold. But really it's just one 2 year old trying to hug another 2 year old. No kids were screaming. Ok. ok unwanted attention, I get it.


The pincher got bit on the face last week. I didn't feel indignant. I felt bad for the parent of the biter. I knew the child worker would heap on the shame. They had to sign an incident report for goodness sakes. I know they wouldn't tell me what kid it was, or who the parent was, but I just asked a message be passed along, It's ok. It's really ok. They are small. And they will out grow it.


If you are dealing with a biter, puncher, pincher, scratcher, kicker, spitter or whatever. That message is for you too. It's ok. It's really ok. They will out grow it. Probably not tomorrow. Or next week. But eventually. Some day. They will. Give grace to your baby. And grace to yourself. And the next time someone says, "Oh, You're that kid's mom?!" Own it. That lovely baby is yours.


But if you are the shame police maybe you should consider becoming a vessel of grace instead. God knows the rest of us could sure use some of that.

Enjoying Every MOMent

Enjoying every MOMent... that's the new(ish) thing in my life.


Last year when my husband started talking about his 5 year plan, work goals, education goals and the like I started thinking I have no goals. Seriously none. I think that puts me on bum status. Um Yea. I'm struggling with the 5 day meal plan, the 5 hour day-to-day school plan, the 5 minute a day happiness plan. Forget the 5 year plan.


Work goals are easier for me. I don't work, so I don't really need goals for that.


Education goals are similar. I have a BA so I'm good. I'm teaching kids how to read, say the ABC's, count and recognize colors so things aren't all that hard. My goal is to do something educational every day with them. Watching Wild Kratt's counts for 2. So I'm killing this one.


But really. It bugged me. I have no real goals. I felt like I was navigating life without direction, without purpose. I mean other than keep kids alive. (4 kids = 4 points)


I know Romans 8:28 'And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.' Great God! Now if you could just AirDrop a few of those purposes for my life I'll be all set... And go.....


I jest but really. It's kind of hard, at least for me, to figure out what all that looks like. I'm called to be a mom. Can't really get out of that one, now. I'm called to be a wife. I'm a half-prepared Bible Study teacher... I won't lie, I'm stuck on my notes for tomorrow and this is me trying to figure how to finish this 6 week study.


Anyways. I wrote a list. A list of goals for each day. Want to hear 'em?


Cool.


1. Pursue Jesus. Seriously run hard after Him.
2. Build a sanctuary that Holy Spirit wants to dwell among us. (Ex. 25:8)
3. Build a relationship with my husband that will flourish in love.
4. Point my children to Jesus and His inexhaustible grace.
5. Love my people well.
6. Nourish souls.
7. Build others up.
8. Give grace


and now for the realllllly serious ones....


9. Read at least 1 (kid picked) book a day.
10. Let the kids make a mess and don't stress AT. ALL. (I still can't do this.)
11. Find the blessing in all circumstances.
12. Laugh. Hard. To the point of snorting.
13. Give more grace.
14. Hug and kiss the kids so much they BEG me to stop!
15. Enjoy every, every, every MOMent.


My note cards are all water stained and some of the ink has been washed out by either dishwater or the sun. I look at them most days. But some days I rush too much to read the carefully scripted words.
Do I do all these well? No. Not really. Not well enough. But that's why I'm telling you. I'm hoping you will hold me accountable. Will you?
I'm gonna pretend you said "Yea girl, I got you."
To which I say "You're awesome." And we fist bump and hug it out.
Thanks friend.

Who are you?

I have forgotten who I am. Does that ever happen to you? You read an old journal. Or an old blog and realize somewhere between then and now you have lost yourself? You stopped being the fun mom you once were... You stopped running after Jesus and started running after kids. Not intentionally, but one day things just changed. I'm there. I'm that. I'm lost. I'm drowning. I praise God that I there is no where that I can go and escape Him (Ps. 139). When I have lost myself, He knows just where to find me. A lot has changed since the last, oh, four years. So. Without further adieu...

Who am I, now? 

I am no one.

And I don't mean that in a negative self image kind of way. I am just me. No one special. I'm not famous nor have any desire to be.



I am not a writer. I do not have a way with words. But I do enjoy typing so there's always that.



I am a Daughter of The King. So I guess technically that makes me a Princess. Yes, yes. One of those.



I'm just a wife. Albeit a military wife. And yes there is a difference.



I am a mom to four. But where the last 2 came from, I'm not entirely sure. I just kind of blinked and then there were 4 little people calling me "Mommy." I keep answering so they keep calling, and I keep feeding them so they stick around.



I am a scratch cook, if there is such a term and if not, then I am an innovator too.



I am a homeschool teacher. Because being a mom wasn't hard enough.



I am not a true Southerner. There I said it. And I do hate saying that. The truth is, I was born a Yankee. But butter flows through my veins like any true Southern woman so I'll keep working on my accent and Southern graces, ok?



I wear leggings as pants. Yes I do and here's why.... I'm a stay at home mom and if my leggings are clean enough to run to Kroger then I'm doing it. I refuse to even take a chance on getting my jeans dirty and making more laundry for myself. And if you see me wearing a sweatshirt, there's like a 98% chance I'm not wearing an actual shirt under it for the same reason. If I'm putting on jeans then I will probably need to shower first, and if I take a shower then some sort of hair brushing and bun making are going to follow and maybe, just maybe a dab of makeup and if I'm going to all that effort I might as well head to church or somewhere that people will actually know me. Right? Right. But I digress.



I am a runner. A new runner. Like past the "I hate this, why am I doing this to myself? Let me just go eat some butter..." phase. And in the "I'm just gonna walk today... this is boring... I should just run" Then do. This is a new thing. It didn't happen over night. Or over a week. It's something new to me and right now I'm all about the new.



I am a book eater. I love, love, love to read. I would read all day long if I didn't have a bunch of other stuff to do... And even then if I can't put a book down I blow off all my responsibilities and just read. I can even cook dinner and read at the same time. I'm obviously talented. And modest.



So who I am? Only God really knows. I'm (obviously) still working on this one. I'm just another woman in the crowd. Lost in her own thoughts, searching for the peanut butter in the fridge. Wondering if the day in and the day out of wife-ing, mom-ing and all the in between-ing really, truly matters and how to navigate this wild life of enjoying every MOMent.