Mom Shame

It's real, man. The mom shame. Because mom guilt wasn't enough.


Today I had to claim a child that is going through the stage. You know the one, when they don't quite understand how to control their frustration, or anger and instead of letting another child push or take toys away they lash out and pinch. Yes, I am the pincher's mom. Yup. Hey guess what? I was also the biter's mom for a long while. And I am also the mom of the kid who screamed the entire way through church. And since there are 4 of them... I'm also the mom of the kid who was always well behaved.


Here's a shocker. I can't control my kid. I can't make my 2 year old stop pinching. I can't. Do I want to? Desperately. I'm tired of it too. We always have sweet talks about how we are nice and we use our hands for good things like picking up and helping but not being mean like pinching. We snuggle up and the child says 'I'm nice'. And I say, 'yes. you sure are.'


I dread picking my kids up from any form of child watch. The Y, church, bible study. It's like the walk of shame has followed me into motherhood. Hung head, profuse apologies, tears and lots of them by me. 


Where's the grace in this season? And why are the other moms not the ones giving it? Aren't we in this together?


I watched my baby hug a kid from behind. The friend of the mom said she has attacked like 3 other kids like this. Relax lady. It's a hug. Sure it looks like a tackle. From behind. Maybe more like a choke hold. But really it's just one 2 year old trying to hug another 2 year old. No kids were screaming. Ok. ok unwanted attention, I get it.


The pincher got bit on the face last week. I didn't feel indignant. I felt bad for the parent of the biter. I knew the child worker would heap on the shame. They had to sign an incident report for goodness sakes. I know they wouldn't tell me what kid it was, or who the parent was, but I just asked a message be passed along, It's ok. It's really ok. They are small. And they will out grow it.


If you are dealing with a biter, puncher, pincher, scratcher, kicker, spitter or whatever. That message is for you too. It's ok. It's really ok. They will out grow it. Probably not tomorrow. Or next week. But eventually. Some day. They will. Give grace to your baby. And grace to yourself. And the next time someone says, "Oh, You're that kid's mom?!" Own it. That lovely baby is yours.


But if you are the shame police maybe you should consider becoming a vessel of grace instead. God knows the rest of us could sure use some of that.