So if you remember from my post at the beginning of the month I talked about being convicted about my bad-attitude-blog. I've been meaning to post more about it ever since. Today is the day. Since Frank is gone and we don't get to spend a lot of time together talking we started reading the same chapter of the Bible. We've been pretty consistent to read each day. So far we've read through 1, 2 & 3 Peter, 1, 2 & 3 John. Today we are reading Jude, then I think we're going back to some of Paul's letters.
Anyways...
In November, when I started posting more regularly, my ranting, raving blog became a semi-small topic of conversation each day. I sometimes ranted about other's thankful posts, and I usually asked Frank to read it before I posted. Since I'm generally a non confrontational person I wanted to walk a thin line between comical and truth. One day I wrote a post about something that had irritated me and shared it with Frank. Although it was entirely factual, it was not very positive and Frank pointed that out. After some discussion I decided not to post the rant. Since then I have had other moments of hesitation about posting something because it wasn't encouraging. Then at the beginning of the month Scott referenced a passage in 1 Peter during his sermon. I felt the Lord's leading while reading and it sparked my desire to read through all of Peter's letters, so that's when Frank and I started reading a chapter a day together.
Day 2 of reading, brought me (obviously) to 1 Peter 2. Verse 1; Get rid of all evil behavior. (uh oh) Be done with all deceit, hypocrisy, jealousy and ALL UNKIND SPEECH. Is it all capped in your Bible too? Maybe a printers error? Hmmmm... Maybe it's just how I read it... But there it was. The Lord is calling me to be DONE with all UNKIND speech. Now I have read several passages about being encouraging, most of them are marked in my Bible, and they are powerful and convicting, but nothing was as convicting as 1 Peter 2:1. So clearly I could not deny that through my blog I have participating in unkind speech. I also knew that it was not just my blog that needed to change but my thinking...
Romans 12: 2 Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
So needless to say it has been a 'learning' month for me. God has continued to transform my thinking and show me other areas in need of regeneration. During my weekly meeting with my mentor, I mentioned this conviction, the more we talked about this, the more clear my sin of pride became. I was judging others for their short comings and not considering the plank in my own eye. (Matt. 7:3-5)
Romans 3:23 For everyone has sinned; we ALL fall short of God's glorious standard.
And if I've learned anything this month it's; what the enemy intends for evil can be used for God's glory. James 1:15 These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. So let me explain a little better. My testimony is the complete and utter opposite of my church friends (I was not saved at 3, I did not go to Christian schools or college, I did not meet my husband at church, among other things). I feel no shame for the sins I have committed because I have been redeemed by the Blood of Jesus! However, I haven't share the details of my past with these ladies because I thought they would judge me, or think less of me in some way. But I realized, although I have been freed by these chains of sin and shame being quiet about my sins is not pleasing to the Lord! He deserves all the GLORY for bringing me out of a life of sin and darkness and how can He receive any glory or praise when I am silent?! I also realized that in my blog, I am not extending grace to those who still need Jesus' forgiveness. And my actions could be keeping others from holiness, and/or forgiveness... Not something I want to do!
Some other notable growth/realizations...
Inspired by One Thousand Gifts (although I have not read this, yet) I have been more consciously thinking of things to be thankful for. Like the other day I couldn't find a parking spot at the hospital, so after getting yelled at for 'stealing' someone's space (I relinquished said spot, lots of crying and missing of Frank ensued) I parked wayyyyy out in overflow parking. I had a pity party during the mile long walk into the hospital, as I was 31 weeks pregnant, had to pee, and was pulling along Kay (who kept trying to stop to pick every kind of weed and flower.) So I wasn't feeling very thankful, but on the way back to the truck I realized what I beautiful day it was, and I was thankful it wasn't raining. This opened the flood gate to several things I had to be thankful for, including, but not limited to; unexpected exercise, a pleasant child (who walked there and back without asking once to be picked up or complaining), still being pregnant, an overall healthy child, a good doctor's visit for Kay (she let the doctor examine her without throwing a fit!), free doctor's visits and free prescriptions....
This past week when I met with my mentor we talked about the promise God gives us in Phillippians 1:6 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. So we were talking about this period of growth for Frank and I as we are apart, and all the things that God has been doing to prepare us for our move. And I realized that while I trust that God is doing this in me and for me, that I don't fully believed it over Frank. I have felt like I had to encourage Frank to read, and seek fellowship so that He could grow Frank. (I hope this makes sense). And eventually this will be true for my children as well. I can show them by example my whole life, but in the end, it is God that has to complete His work in all of us. So I surrendered my desire to control Frank's walk. (I know this sounds silly, but think about it, if your husband is not walking as closely with the Lord as you would like, don't you try to encourage him?) I am trusting that Frank will be prepared to lead our family in Denver, just as the Lord has intended, and I am attempting, once again, to be submissive to my husband.
Here's how wonderful the Lord is... That ^ was Thursday. I have been praying for Frank to find fellowship with other believers since before he left back in November. On Saturday, Frank texted me, a friend of a friend, George, texted him and invited him to some kind of Christian rally. Later I found out that it was a Bible study. Frank also told me, he finally prayed for himself to find other believers there in Texas. Instantly after praying George texted him. I'm crying now as I think of how faithful the Lord is! Frank had a great time too and even had lunch with some people from the Bible study on Sunday!
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