Early, and I mean early Wednesday morning, my mom, Kay and I arrived at Norfolk International, bags packed and ready to go to Texas. It's a family affair, all together there are thirteen of us traveling to San Antonio for Josh's boot camp graduation. The only absentee is my hard working hubby (he's getting some awesome souvenirs though)...
So we arrive, 4 bags, car seat, the deluxe stroller all in tow. Usually they let us check bags free with that handy military id, but not today :( So I take the car seat and the questionable carry on item, a Pampered Chef food chopper for Granny inside. They check the seat, free, and I'm directed to ask TSA about the chopper. The very large man looks at me like I'm an alien when I question him about carrying on the precious chopper, then the nosy assistant asks about the blades. Are they removable, um no, but I don't mention that it breaks down completely and you could theoretically wield it as a weapon. Provided you can get close enough to the terrorist without being shot first. I get the ok, personally I am shocked. I pray they know what they're talking about and I don't get arrested...
The usual airport madness ensues, my mom pushes the cadillac stroller with sleepy Kay, her 2 carry on bags, the diaper bag and my bag to the entrance, I'm trying to help her inside while being pursued by security. "You can't leave your vehicle unattended!!!!!" Yea, I also won't leave my child unattended. Park.
Then the dreaded security check point. I, as dangerous as I appear, get targeted to be patted down each time we fly. Like a few years ago, while leaving the Bahamas my bag and self was randomly? chosen to get the full screening. Today, though, we're loaded down. We're worried about the chopper, they scan my bag. Twice. They ask no questions but before I can do the victory dance I am summoned. For the diaper bag?! Oh! Crap! I forgot to tell them about the juice and baby food. Grrr! The woman makes a mess of my neatly packed and organized bag. Wiping it with the special bomb cloths. When I fly with highly explosive materials I always forget to clean off the residue! Dangggg! She locates the juice I've told her about, after she's emptied half the bag, in an outside pocket, which I also pointed out to her. Again, twice. Wipes, processes, and runs it down the belt again. Somehow, maybe through the lack of sleep, the ungodly hour, or her incredibly-difficult-to understand accent I miss the portion about getting searched. It's not until the TSA woman is standing behind me and I'm being fully accosted do I realize, I'm getting searched because of JUICE! By this time my mom and Kay have put them themselves back together, walked down to the gate, waited, then walked back to security. My mom first sees me, legs spread and arms out, and practically screams across the airport, "Rachel! Are you getting ARRESTED?!" Um, jeez mom, I wasn't, but thanks! Now all eyes are on me, including this guy who has taken a sudden interest in watching my full body pat down. Uh, nothing to see here, better get moving or you're next, creeper! So the search ends with me getting the juice back and feeling fully violated. We high tail it to the gate, then make our way to the very back of the plane to the empty seats. Our seats have been given away at this point, as the flight attendants have written us off as no-shows.
Settle in, taxi out, I fix Kay a cup of the questionable juice and she settles down to take a much needed nap. She's sucking alternately on her pacifier and juice cup as we take off. About 20 seconds later I feel wet. I look down, Kay isn't drooling, hmmmmm. I go back to tightly closing my eyes to pray fervently for a safe flight, and again am interrupted by the feeling of wetness. Kay is fast asleep, clutching her cup and snuggled up in my lap. I lay her across the empty seat and without too much delay realize the pressure in the cabin is causing her cup to overflow out of the straw. I wipe her up, best I can without waking her then look down at my shirt to asses the damage. It's bad, much worse than I had originally thought. My entire shirt is soaked and it looks like I'm lactating. Honest.
We arrive in Hotlanta without further incident, me in a new shirt and ready for Cinnabon! We add Matt and Dad to the posse, re-board and are on the last leg of our journey west. By this time, you and I should already know the rest of the week is going to be just as crazy and entertaining as the first few hours. In fact, I'm counting on it. I'll update when I can <3
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